chapter 9: the end.. the beginning...!!! dedicated to all u friends and reenu....

GATE was to be scheduled on feb the 13^th . in about two months. I was sitting alone, totally lost. Feeling terribly like a loser.. people were packing. They were leaving to their places. my roommates too. it was so bad to see sam and divya leaving. they were goinng home after the course, to revise what they learnt and to write GATE... where was i to go? i had not taken anything much from hyd yet, and from coaching too.

"There got be a way out. I still have two months. Its not that i don’t know any thing.. if i start from somewhere I can make it. I can’t lose the battle that too without fighting. Come on! I got be tougher than that." This was how i was consoling myself. I opened the syllabus. It was huge. But there were areas i knew well. I had to make some strategy. God help me. i was weighing my options on going home and studying or staying back n revising here only.

Just then i heard a voice in neighbouring room. A girl was talking in kannada. I was least bothered. I carried on with my strategy. Met the girl in corridor next day. she talked a lot!!! She told me she was CS too and she was here for crash course. Crash course was something, where they finished the entire course in just two months, taking classes from morning 6 to evening 8 everyday. She told me everything about her. somehow we were alike. She too had come to start fresh, n i had just decided to start a fresh. Her name was Dhruthi.

In no time we became closest friends. My roommates were gone. I wanted to be alone and give time for myself. At the other end i desperately wanted someone to be with me n share my tensions.

How was i to learn everything now? dhruthi asked me to attend classes with her. her suggestion was there are 250 ppl in class who will know that u r not a crash course student.. just attend. She brought me time tables of everyday of her classes. I chose from them which all classes i needed to attend. There were other batches. I attended them. All illegally... breaking rules... i was learning concepts from wherever whenever i could. Now that dhruthi was with me, i was no more alone. we sat back late nights n discussed concepts. we had forgotten everything... life food hunger to great extent.. I found out this girl was a super fast learner but ended up making sillier mistakes than i did. We were alike that way too. we liked same food, hated same food, caught colds at same times, it was just like having a twin sister. And my journey finally was on track... at last something was happening.

We didn’t want anything else in the world, just one thing we needed was how to cut down the mountain. How to cross it. How to finish the syllabus. In no time...Well... there we were standing just a week left for the last battle.

Time passes in no time. and already it was the day of exam. Finally the GATE 2011 paper was in my hand. The day finally had come for which i had done so many things. it went well, though not best i admit. And there i was exactly a month later, with 99.05 percentile, 1294^th All India Rank in hand. And that fetched me a decent general merit seat in one of the prestigious institution viz. National Institute of Technology, Surathkal, Karnataka... Almost everyone had done well. We all had done well in the exam. And everybody got settled at different places all set to begin a new journey. And that is how the journey of hydabad ended. There were fights, there were frustrations, there was anger, there was fun. It was all a mixed bag. i made friends, learned to stay myself, learned to do my things alone. tried being responsible. Faced many aspects of life. friendship, hared, madness, fun everything. I know i could have done more justice to my rank, but no regrets. I did best of what i could.

With the result in hand i was online to check to apply for universities. I was checking my mails that day. and i had a surprise mail from reenu.

Dear Aparna,

I am sorry that i had to leave without any intimation. U deserve to know that i am fine and doing well. That GATE was never my cup of tea. More over i had so many attachments already to handle. Trying to care for people who were never worth it. I wanted to end it all i wanted to die. But then i thought why waste my life because max left me or jai doubted me? my life is more worth than that!!! It took me a real while to forget them and my past. Life was never fair to me. But now i have left it all behind. My parents are getting me married to a boy of their choice. He is good. And i am happy finally now. i got ur email id trough social network. I am glad i found u.

Now coming back to u, i am sure u have done well in GATE, and i really wish from bottom of my heart that u stay happy and all ur dreams come true. U deserve it kid ;)

Please keep in touch, i want u to know u r the best friend and a true well wisher this mad girl ever had. We are moving to London after marriage, hope we meet sometime in life...

And yes.. a small info, i have stopped all those bad habbits u didn’t like....

Loads of love

Reenu.. (all urs)

That brought tears rolling down my cheeks, it really means a lot when someone tells u, wat u mean to them. She meant a lot to me too... i just hope she stays happy for rest of her life...

Thats how a small journey of GATE 2011, ended. To start a new one fresh. i thank every single person from bottom of heart, both ppl i liked, n hated from bottom of heart, coz i learned a lot from u guys... and to my best parents on earth... mom and dad... dear frinds... cheers to our friendship, our old hostel, GATE-2011, and to all fun we had together....

i close this er.. story of mine with this chapter.. hope u liked it... thank u :)

chapter 8: the final war

Yeah.. shall we go downstairs and continue our conversation with a coffee?

He was waiting for my reply. I wish he had asked me after some OS, or DS class, at least I would have said “no” nicely.

But some how.. i said “no.. i got to go.. bye” and ran from there...

Divya was escalated, excited, cheered up, exuberant, and I don’t know wat! after hearing the news a boy asked me for coffee... she was behaving as if she was invited for the coffee.. That too by Hritik Roshan...

“wow, thats not possible, did he really ask U for coffee???”

“what do u think i told u divya?”

“ya.. but seriously??? First one right???”

“shut up, i am already bugged, he gives me big smile all day, tries to talk me all time, i keep running, n its fun for u”

“yaar.. why r u over reacting so much, have a coffee na, kya jayega?”

“yaar.. its not about coffee, i can’t smile like u all day and talk nicely, more over don’t want to hurt him either”

“hmm.. hey how does he look haan?” she had started teasing me now.

“yaar.. chup na...”

“ok ok” she smiled again. “let’s go for a coffee??” she winked.

I threw at her the first thing that my hand reached...

Classes were going on at the rate never before. It demanded more energy, stamina, and for me more food. But i was bugged up totally with hostel food. Just same daal, rice, everyday. I was missing home, mom made food. I did bring loads of parcels for me, like kurkure, lays, biscuits, wafers, chocolates but my stocks never lasted long. We also had an illegal immersion rod in our room, and often made coffee, Maggie, tea etc. but i was fed up. Only good thing about here was my block. My friends. Miss beautiful koel, barnali, tani, divya, sam, kalpana, and few more. We had started hanging out now.

We would go out shopping; we would go out to newer food stores, hotels, pani puri stalls, chat stalls, cake shops in and around and try out new things. Our favourite place was bengoli mithaiwala. It was a big sweets shop. I got chance to try out sweets i had never seen before. Our academy was at one of the center places of Hyderabad. We had anything and everything we wanted in and around us, all enough to get us out of track from GATE-2011, especially for food lovers like me.

I enjoyed a lot with my new best friends. Going out was a routine now. But once i was back to my room i felt terribly bad. I was there to study. But I was doing everything apart from studies. I caught whatever I could from my classes. Xeroxed all notes. but I was nowhere close to anyone else in class. Everyone was worried that they were not studying enough even after hours of studies, that they had doubts, that they needed more materials to solve. Why I was even there I didn’t know. Another month passed. People around me were getting tensed and I was getting relaxed for bad.

Kartik had stopped talking to me now. Even he was fed up of me. But still he gave big smile whenever we met. I always returned it back. Class was like second hostel now. There were friends. People had got into relationships. Class room number 308 was best place in Hyderabad now for most of us.

It was a data structure class. I had dozed off on the first bench that day. N sir asked me- Please open ur eyes. i heard someone waking me. some distant voice. But I was not sure. So I didn’t get up. Rashmi hit me hard n I woke up suddenly. Sir was staring at me. That meant something very bad was coming. I anyway never understood his jokes. But now it was going to be on me. Why did I sleep?

To my surprise sir didn’t comment like he did to that boy that day. He asked me to answer the question on board. I looked at the board. Definitely it was not the topic that was going on when I fell for sleep. There was some tree drawn there.

“Er.. What is the question sir?” i asked slowly.

Sir was angry. But I honestly didn’t know the question. Sir repeated the question for me.

Now it was my turn to answer. “Jai Vivekananda” I concentrated. Er.. i didn’t know the answer. Sir was in no mood of joke. He had already made a favour by not making fool of me in the class. Expecting him to forgive me if I answered wrong was too much of expectation from my side.

“Well, I have just explained this concept two minutes ago. Tell me the answer now.”

Suddenly somehow, I don’t know how, the answer struck to my mind. I suddenly remembered that class of trees taught to us ages ago during my college time. I somehow told the correct answer.

It was a correct answer. I was waiting for sir to respond now.

“u were sleeping or u listen to class eyes closed?”

“Sir i was listening...”

“or U were meditating?”

“Er.. no sir.. i was listening.”

Sir was really angry now. he knew i wasn’t listening. “Better don’t sleep on first bench from next time.”

Sir carried on.

And i was saved. Somehow... I don’t know... thank god.

My respect in class got doubled that day... people hardly noticed me before. Rather ignored me, as they had always seen me sleeping. But now I was enjoying some attention... ;) he he.. now i really wanted to study... things changed after that day.. People came to me to discuss things. I was no way ready to let my image go down. I started studying. At least I controlled my sleep little more.

Another month passed. And it was mid November now. GATE exam was just 3 months away. And if i looked back I found I was nowhere close to even 10 percent of others. I didn’t know many concepts yet, in many subjects, materials were pending. The piles of Xeroxes were increasing. All those scared me badly. I was not able to study in hostel; I had missed many lectures from beginning either by getting up late or by dozing off. Whenever I touched one subject, other subjects haunted me. And in three months, it was just not going to happen. I was not even going to qualify. And finally one day I gave up. And just after a week, on December the third, they said- “Course is over... u have two months to revise all this... Revise thoroughly... and all the best...!”

where was i? At the start of the ladder.. wat i knew? Nothing. What was i going to do? Sit and cry!!!! 2 Jobs gone, missed coaching... What next? In the mean time I got the confirmatory mail that my forms reached gate office and admit cards shall be sent soon!!!!

I was surrounded by immense pressure I could not handle... I was all alone, and I had no escape either...

Chapter 7: the flinch.

I was waiting for sam to walk out of the room. Thats wat she did when she got upset. But to my surprise, sam broke out a laugher.

“Ha ha ha.. topori??? Thats what he is..” she blushed again. “And that’s why I like him. But he is kind of cute. All girls were after him. But he chose me.” another smile.

Well that was a relief. I had thought I had hurt her, unknowingly, but to my surprise she had liked it and our friendship was still intact.

“that’s cool..” i congratulated her again.

“ha ha.. that was a nice comment appu, he is going to kill u” she laughed again and started dialing a number.

It was like i had almost got heart attack.. “No no.. stop... pls don’t tell him.” I shouted.

It was too late. she was walking out of the room. She had told him this too, just like everything else.

i decided -i am never going to meet the boy whose pic i had just seen after what i had called him. I didn’t know how i was goin to face him. I decided if at all he is going to be introduced i would smile politely n run for life.

“What did u tell him sam?” i asked at once she returned after half an hour.

“I told him my roommate called him a gunda, a bhai, a topri.. it was fun teasing him.”

“Hmm.” i said. But that was not fair. I had only called topri, she had added gunda, bhai thing herself. Completely unfair. But i didn’t say anything.

Chapters were being covered at the rate faster than before, classes were running late now. the most awaited class was beginning on that day. “data structures”. Sir was well known across the campus for his “non veg” jokes. His jokes always reached us from fellow friends in other batches. We often heard roars of laughter, bangs on the benches and we guessed it was a data structures class. Few girls hated that sir, but even they said the way he made concepts clear was unbelievable. We all were on best behaviour that day. it was morning 6 am. Sir was about to enter any moment.

He was in his late 40s may be. Balding man, a big belly. My class welcomed him with a roars and bangs on benches. And his three hours class was so very fun. To be honest, never understood most of his jokes. Anyway.

A boy had dozed off in the class one day. Sir stopped his class... and shouted at teh boy “basha!!! Get up....”

Boy suddenly woke up.. and started staring at sir. Sir gave a miscevious smile and ask him..

“u didn’t sleep last night?, where were u boy?”

The boy had got the got the joke, more over he was not thrown out of class, and so he smiled.

Oho.. where had u been man?

“No where sir. I was at my hostel only” Boy smiled again.

Oho pendrive?

Now what the hell was pendrive..? i didn’t know. anyway.. class laughed.

I guess that boy never slept in class after that day. But what about my sleep? i still hadn’t worked my way out. I still dozed off in classes. Badly. N something or the other didn’t let me complete my sleep at hostel. I was addicted to chatting with my roommates. And friends were increasing day by day. We always had one or other visitor in our room. N I never slept before one am. N morning 6 am classes had me present physically, but I was no where there.

But some how things were going. I was not completely bad. I was there in class.

The late comer boy greeted me with a bigger smile next day. I had no choice but to return it back.

He waited for me after class.

“Hey”

I heard nothing.

“Aparna..” someone called out to me again. I looked around to see none. I was so bugged after the boring integration maths class!!! Sir was only scribbling on the board all day and was asking us to make note. Rashmi was noting them for me n i was doing time pass until i was fed up. I didn’t know if sir knew that there were people in his class. He was teaching only to his board. He n his board were completely in different world i guess, not the one in which i was present.. or we were present for that matter..

“Aparna” he called out again.

I was totally bugged now. i shouted “kaun hai be?”.

“Chill... main hu, tujhe itna ghusswa kyun aata hai?” yeah it was my late comer friend.

Tujhe? Tumhe would have been better i thought.. he was talking as though i was his friend from long time.

I just said “hey” n smiled.

“Kartik” he smiled again.

“Aparna” i waited.

“so u are early these days to the class”

“ya kind of”

“n u have been sitting on front benches”

“er.. well ya.. my friends catch a place for me, and i somehow manage to end up early these days”

“shall we go downstairs and have a coffee? Wat say?”

I stopped suddenly with wat i was doing and looked straight into his face... and asked... WAT? Poor guy didn’t know, kiske saath baat kar raha tha!

Chapter 6: hostel fun, for u.... :D

Bloody hell.. how was that even possible? The girl was Divya, from SDMCET Dharwad. Someone from my place. What else would i have wanted at this time?

“Wow!! yes ma’am this is 402.... bang in.” I welcomed her with big smile too.

“U have lost weight like hell Appu.” Divya noticed.

Now that was something new, I had heard after a decade i guess. I smiled. “Yo! My mom would like that.” i told.

It was true. All my old dresses were not fitting me anymore. All the messages that came from college friends addressing me as “kung fu panda” had lost their meaning now... ;)

“Hope I lose some weight too in this hostel.” said Divya.

Now that was what I hated about all the slim girls in this world. She was hardly visible in front of old me. She was thin already! There was no weight left to be lost. I didn’t get the logic again. I didn’t argue. And then we started in Kannada and went on and on and on till Sam finally spat at both of us.

“Will u girls give it a break? I am here too.”

“Sam this is Divya, from my place. Department of civil engineering. And Divya this is Sam, CSE uttarakhand” I smiled again.

“Don’t u guys dare to speak in ur language. We ll speak in common language hindi.” Said Sam.

“No way... we shall speak in English!!!” Divya replied again smiling.

Now that was interesting for me. Problem with Sam was, she had difficulty in speaking in English, she would have done her computer science and engineering in Hindi itself if someone had allowed her. But even after 62 years since they left our nation, our country learns their language with so much dedication. No hard feelings against English. I love all the languages. That was just a thought. Anyway... No one had allowed Sam. So she did her Engineering in English. And Divya had problems with Hindi. She had heard Hindi only in her favourite serial Jhansi ki raani lakshmi bai.

Now that was fun for me. Naughty person in me wanted to know who wins. ;) I was waiting for Sam to reply.

She just said. “Ok”.

And all my dreams of witnessing a Hindi vs English match shattered.

Sam was so cool a person. Nothing affected her so easily. Her calmness made me wonder sometimes if she was an old disciple of Lord Buddha. She had once told me her boy friend was from Buddha Gaya. May be that connects. I don’t know.

“But I don’t know much of Hindi!! I can understand everything but can’t speak fluently.” Divya replied politely but sadly. “But I’ll give try.”

Wow. That was nice. Divya was a good girl too. Now they made nice people for roommates. I loved them. For the first time in a month, all three roommates of room no. 402 were talking to each other, about each other. N the fun began.

Divya was fascinated by Sam’s collection of perfumes, deos, creams, shampoo, I don’t know what! There were so many of them on the rack. And she tried her first sentence in Hindi.

“wow yar, tere pas to perfumes ka makan hai”

Makaan?? Sam looked at me for help. N me at Divya for help inturn.

What. “It’s like she has a shop of perfumes”.

“dukaaaaaan” Sam and I shouted back at her.

Well... that was no help! She ignored both of us n continued with her discussion on things on the rack.

“U use matrics? I have allergy for them. I use some “xyz” she said. I don’t remember the name. “Where is the beauty parlour here? I hope it’s nearby??”

“Ya its just on the road behind, next to brand factory.” Sam enlightened her.

“Thank god. Are u going in this week? If yes tell me I need to have a step cut. Look at my hair. Totally out of shape!!!”

Wow!!! I stopped both. “Will u two girls stop talking in ur language now.????”

Both of them started laughing.

“Aparna r u a girl???” Both started giggling for no reason.

“Shut up u both.” I was angry now.

Divya started telling Sam my legendary stories from the college days. when a boy as fat as old me had tried to propose me n I started fighting with him and the poor fellow ran for his life. And again they stated giggling.

“Huh” I said n opened some book.

Life was cool for next few days. I was doing well in classes too. I always reached late for the classes and hence never got to sit in front benches. I always sat on the last bench.

There was a boy who was somewhat like me in this case. We both were the last to reach the class. It was alright because I never wrote any notes. I always listened to lectures. I had a wonderful note maker called Rashmi for a friend. I Xeroxed her notes at the end of each day. In fact I xeroxed three people’s notes just in case a person missed something. I was particular about them. I wanted them neat and clean. The trade off was they gave me notes I solved their doubts. Both parties happy n satisfied.

I didn’t know wat that boy’s name was. But since we reached almost at same time every day we did smile to each other just before entering the class. One day he and his friend reached before me. They were sitting on the bench before mine. I was literally not able to see the board. I was doing all kinds of circus at my place to have a look at the board. A girl was sitting next to me. All we both could see were big heads of boys in front of us.

I had had enough. Girl next to me asked the other boy next to my late coming classmate just before the start of next class.

“Can we pls swap our benches? I can’t see anything except ur big head.”

The boy said. “Get up early from tomorrow.”

“Hello... that was harsh” I spoke spontaneously, that came involuntarily.

“U carry on with ur sleep girl.” He told me.

It was a surprise, a bad one! That meant people knew of my “dozing off” ability in the class. That was sad. But this was no time to feel bad. This was time to defend the girl next to me, to show the girl power.

Our discussion had caught the attention of few benches around us. Everyone was waiting for my reply.

I was not going to keep quiet either.

I shouted at the top of my voice-

“ek to itne abnormally lambe ho! Upar se aise baat karte ho... u r bad.”

There was silence all over. N when the loudness of my voice finally faded, there was response from our spectators.

Hell! A big wave of laughter broke out.

I looked around to see everyone smiling and making fun of me, even the boy whom I was fighting with smiled, I bet, in the corner of his lips.

It was badly embarrassing. I was fighting, he was laughing. I hated him.

He opened his mouth to argue, n the boy next to him, my late entry partner stopped him.

“Let’s move” he said smiling, n pushed him out of the bench.

“Ya u ppl can sit here. We shall swap.” He was good I thought, but other one was bad I concluded.

They both walked out. N the friend of my enemy smiled weirdly at me. I didn’t smile back. Got to hell both of u I told slowly.

When I told this story to Sam n Divya in the evening, back in room no. 402, they both were angry at them too.

“Boys r just show offs u see. All they want is fighting with people. Doesn’t he has the basic manners of speaking to a girl?” said my Sam.

I agreed.

“Aparna is a girl?” Divya started pulling my legs again.

“This is no joke Divya. All they want is to fight.” Sam said angrily.

This was going somewhere else, I realised. She was not talking about the boy who fought with me, or boys community out there, but her boy now. maybe she had had a fight with him. Er.. boyfriends girfrieds fight.. no big deal.. but ya.. Discussion now was defiantly not about the boy who fought with me.

Divya had realised that too. “hey u have a boyfriend?” she suddenly changed the topic.

Divya had an unimaginable talent of handling emotions. She knew exactly what to speak at what time. Something I lacked very badly.

“Yep” Sam smiled.

“I knew” said proudly smiling Divya, as though she had spotted something very uncommon. Anyone would have guessed that! Seeing the time Sam spent on phone. But Divya was still smiling at her discovery.

“wow!!!! How does he look??” Divya was curious.

“Hmmm.. he looks cool..” Sam smiled, rather blushed.

Ohh god!!! Did she really do that? Did she blush at the reference of his? I wondered. Love speaks... I said to myself smiling.. But didn’t dare to say it loud!!! coz i knew had I had made the fun of hers or love for that matter, both would have murdered me right there. And u wouldn’t have been reading this story now.

Sam started operating her phone. No points for guessing- she was searching for best pic of his.

But our Divya was too fast.

“show show show” she had grabbed the phone from her already.

Grabbing some one’s phone like that was bad I thought. But it was “ok”. Neither Sam felt bad about it. Just in few days we had become too close to each other. I was living with two cartoons. But two beautiful n good hearted n caring cartoons.

Divya came n sat beside me and started describing him. “Wow he looks awesome.”

I looked at his picture. Total villain he was. He was good looking but his unshaven face gave him total “tapori” look. Not his mistake, Divya had not let Sam choose a good pic of his.

She had shown me the pic and Sam was waiting for my reply now.

What was I to say? I didn’t know. I said the first thing that came to my mind.

“Wow total topori pose.. coooooool” even before thinking what I was going to say.

Sam stared back as though I had called him gabbar singh. It was over. Our friendship?

What I had said!!!!!! u idiot!!! I told to myself. I should have told something like” wow” “super” “brilliant” anything.. But not what I had said....

I started back at four eyes staring back at me in a full serious way.

“Sorry” I said watching the floor of the room, face saddened. Waiting for Sam to get angry on me....

chapter 7 coming up next!! :D

Chapter 5: the start of the fall

It was just 4.30 am, still dark. I was seeing her from the half open door of her room, in the dim light of the night lamp. Her roommates were still asleep.

I wanted to go near her. n tell her i cared for her. i wanted to wake her up n tell many things but i didn’t know wat. I just wanted her to be safe. I walked in slowly. She was fast asleep. u could tell from visible parts of her face, slightly covered by her beautiful hair, she had cried until she had fallen asleep. i covered the blanket over her. n there it was, the bottle, lying on her bed. Had her roommates seen it, there would have been a big issue. i dint know wat to do.

For the first time in life, i did two things that day.

One, “daru ka bottle” was in my hand, something i had never touched before. I quickly covered it with her bag. i don’t know why i still went to her even after what had happened few hours ago. It was a strange feeling of care for her.

i am the youngest person in my big family. Ppl always took care of me, listened to my problems, solved them, always saw to it that i was safe n happy. But for the first time i wanted to support someone, try to keep someone safe. It was not because she took care of me, neither because she had helped me. i had no explanation. I realised how i get emotionally attached in no time. May be it was because i never had a brother or sister for myself. N Rinu cared like a sister; I had completely got attached to her. She was bad. Very bad. I was not sure if i was going to even talk with her once she woke up. But still I was standing beside her. She was four years elder to me. But now she was fast asleep like a small kid. “Rinu” i called out. But the voice never came out of my own mouth.

Her roommates alarm rang n i moved out of her room in a swift. And suddenly i was confused again! and before i could even thwart the thought, i had decided never to talk to Rinu again. It was not my business. I was here to study n not solve a mad girls problem. She was 25 years old.. wat for if she cannot sort out things herself? I carried on.

It was a nightmare in class. I was just not able to concentrate. My head was heavier than ever before. It was irritating even to sit in class n listen to lecture. It was a computer network class. An important topic of subnetting n supernetting was going on.

“A question on this topic has come in almost every paper” Sir said. “Pls give ur best attention, else u won’t understand next two classes of mine. its very simple if u just understand it here.”

I tried to concentrate. It was just not possible. I dozed off for the first time in my favourite class. Shubhangi tried to wake me twice. I was really tired; Rinu had spoiled my sleep last night. I missed it all. 3 hours of important topic was gone.

It was 9 clock break. My class was on the 3^rd floor of academy, n my hostel on the fourth. But i didn’t want to return to hostel. i didn’t know how i would react when i would see Rinu. I had idli sambar at canteen in the first floor, n i was back to class. Next class didn’t work out for me either. Rinu’s words were popping up in my mind... “N i am goin to do it again. I am slut u see. A bloody whore i am according to jai. Such a fucker!....”

no rinu don’t..

i said to myself again.

I had no guts to go back to hostel after class either. I just didn’t want to face her,, rather see her face again. But I didn’t have books for the next class. I had to go now. My head was bursting out. I slowly walked to hostel hoping I wouldn’t have to confront her. But when i realised she was gone i wanted her back right away.

“She went” sam reported.

“Where? N with whom? What happened? When?” I wanted to know everything...

“I don’t know. I saw her making payments to warden. I don’t know when she packed. But i was coming back from class for a book n i saw her leaving. A guy was with her”. Replied sam

“But why? Did she say something about me? did she talk with u? or any msg for me at least where she is going?”

“Nothing”

“Relax” sam said again , “she is with someone. That means at least she is safe. Nothing of wat we were scared about will happen now, she won’t hurt herself at least”. She put her hand on my shoulders as she said it. N then on my forehead.

“Gosh u r burning man.”

It was true. I had lost conscious like a dead in the class, when i dozed off. I had slept throughout classes. It was all gone. On the other hand Rinu didn’t even feel like i deserved to know where she went. I was angry on her. She never cared about me I thought. I was hating her now. She didn’t deserve my friendship.

“U r not goin to class now.” It was sam’s voice. Listen i’ll ask them to send ur food here. I have a crocin, ll u take it after food?”

“No i have it with me. am fine. U get ready for ur class.”

“Listen we ll go to the doctor after class, but now u’ll take rest. I can’t bunk. Its OS class.”

“Hey thats ok. M fine. U carry on.”

Sam left the room. I was alone in the room now. It was like my own now. i thought i should take a nap. i was not able to even open my eyes because of the fever. I suddenly got up and did something without thinking. I checked all my books on the shelf for the note. I knew she would have left something, anything. There was nothing under mattress or pillow either. I finally realised she was gone. Where? I didn’t know.

“A guy was with her.” Who might that be? i wondered. Max?, jai? Or maybe someone from her family.? she was always around, “around me”, i never felt the need of her phone number. i didn’t have her phone number.... hell! i realised i knew nothing about her. i didn’t know about her family, nor her email id. Nothing at all? I thought i should go n check out in orkut or fb, but as Rinu wat? To my shock, I didn’t even know her full name. How was that possible.? It was just Rinu, only Rinu, my friend Rinu for me, who woke me up every morning. Who reminded me every time to study, to revise. She was not near me now. n i didn’t know where she was.

You shouldn’t have done this to me i told her as though she was right there. how selfish it was of me? I was worried about how i was going to live there without her while I should have been worrying about her safety. I needed her. But she was gone without even bothering about me. She was selfish too i convinced myself.

The fever lasted for 2 days. I didn’t tell this to mom. I missed two days classes. I checked out notes of my fellow cs friends but i could not understand anything from them. N when i returned to classes i could follow nothing. Things had changed for bad. I had followed every class until recently and now i was not able to understand many things. God why this? I was angry on just not Rinu but god too. How was I going to make up? Literally I had no time for present day revision. But i knew i would do it. I kept it for later.

My health was not much supporting me now. i was easily getting tired. I was getting fever frequently. Plus i had to wash all my clothes myself. Wash my plates too. Everything was getting difficult, specially getting up at 4.30 everyday. Shubhangi and suchitra constantly reminded me that i was not concentrating enough. One day suchitra woke me up in the class and asked a beautiful question- “how on the earth u have guts to doze off in class?”. I had no reply! In short nothing was going like before.

One evening ,Shikha was struggling with something in her hand. It was material that academy gave us to solve. Materials had extra problems to be worked out. It was OS booklet i recognised. She was angry on the poor booklet. She was constantly changing her position of studying, she was restless.

What is it shikha? I asked finally. OS was one of my favourite subjects right from colg days. i thought i could help her out.

To my surprise she got up from her bed with her book n sat beside me and pointed to problem in the open book. It was a problem on scheduling policy. I knew that topic well. I helped her with it. She was so happy when it got finally solved. I had seen her so happy first time. n immediately the feeling of guilt passed through me, i too should have been studying like her. But honestly i was not. This just was not going to work. I had to work some way out. I always slept late. Something or the other used to keep me awake. Ppl came with doubts, or i listened to music or any silly thing was enough to blow away my sleep these days. Just 4 hours of sleep was not enough. I had tried sleeping early to best of my abilities but it was just not working out.

It was like i was shackled from all sides. I had done it myself. This was not the scene in my engineering life. I was never seen in class until the attendance need reached bottleneck. So many times I was detained from labs coz things were always incomplete. Still I did well in the class. I somehow managed it at the end moment. Thanks to my capacity of dragging answers pages together. I had always not just survived but excelled in the exams. But here I had tried to be sincere. But i had failed utterly. And one whole and sole reason behind it was fear, the immense pressure that the ambiance created. Things were bugging me badly as I had no one to speak to. I had left two jobs. What if it didn’t work out? To add on there were ppl who worked day n night. One of many thousands of such was just on my opposite bed. This was not at all working. I realised i would not even qualify in GATE if i carried on like this. I needed a way out. N i finally decided that i shall be back to my old self. I decided i would never worry again. I remembered a line hagrid had said to harry potter in goblet of fire, viz “what has to happen will happen and u’ll have to face it when it does”. i never stopped myself since then from dozing off in class, but whenever i was up, I listened to my best. This way it was working, i at least knew what was going on. I revised whenever possible. I started opening text books n materials. Somehow the cart was being pulled, while other’s planes were flying high. About a month had passed now.

Shikha was good to me now that i was solving her doubts. The interlude of cold silence was finally over. one day she told me she was leaving the hostel. The rent of this hostel was too high because it was in the campus. So she had decided to move to a hostel at small distance from the academy.

“How wil u manage for morning classes?” i asked her.

“I’ll manage. Its fine now that we r acquainted with place. N there are many ppl in that hostel who come for morning batches. I’ll come with them.”

“So when r u leaving i asked?” Immediately adding “we ll miss u” just to keep the decency in communication. “hope another girl as silent as u occupies ur place!” I winked.

She replied with a nice smile that actually suited her face. “I am leaving day after tom. N u too take care of ur health.”

It was good so far before next question she asked.

“Can u help me with packing? I’ll start now”

“Sure” I said. I packed all heavy books for her. n that night again i slept late.

Shikha left the hostel next to next day. we promised each other to be in touch. sam n I were sitting in the room now.

“Lets hope for a nice roommate” sam began... a beautiful girl with a big bright smile on her face knocked the door.

“Is this 402?”

chapter 6 coming soon :)

Chapter 4: the one last time.

There were 15 people in my block. 3 in each room. I knew everyone in the block now. Most fascinating people were the trio of last room. room no.405.

The three beautiful bengoli girls. Tani, koel and barnali. Koel was the most beautiful girl i had ever seen. Fair girl with round cute face. Long hair. In perfect shape as they say it. She indeed had some charm in her face n her smiling face i liked the best. Her eyebrows were joined slightly and that added to her beauty. I had heard many girls speak about her in and around. They always asked her what shampoo she used, what fairness cream she applied, what scrub she used to wash her face etc. I recollected what I had heard in zoom bollywood gapshup that bengoli girls r natural beauties and had quoted examples of bipasha, kajol, rani mukharjee etc. Had they seen these three girls, list would have been longer by three.

Koel was also a computer science girl, like me, but from a different batch. We once in a while discussed about chapters being covered in our respective classes. Koel always had thousand doubts on simple things. Her favourite way of asking questions or doubts to me was, “why is this like this”? n i always replied with “why is wat like wat?” It was fun solving her doubts. she made me think at times. Her doubts were complex. But at the end of every session we both got some knowledge.

Barnali was from mechanical department. We smiled to each other on corridors it was nothing beyond that. N tani, her actual name sayantani, was from department of electrical engineering. She was here because she was sent. Coolest girl on this planet. Nothing ever worried her. I used to see her brushing her teeth with eyes closed at wash basin, at my 10 o clock break. “Screw those classes man” was her favourite dialogue.

One thing those three were fascinated or i must say obsessed with, was their favourite “machili”.. they loved fish as any other bengoli. They rushed to a bengoli restaurant in sikandrabad, about 10 kms from our hostel, just to have fish curry frequently.

There were nice people in my block.

I had friends in my class too. it became a custom to sit with two people i sat with, in my very first class. sandhya from Nagpur. And Rashmi mishra from Orissa. They made it to the top of my hatke characters list. Well... this “hatke character list” was my personal list of different funny interesting characters I would meet in Hydrabad. Typical maharashtrian girl with a ring like sania mirza on her left nostril , quick like mercury, n heartily best girl i had ever met, was sandhya. “Good morning appu bhai” was how she wished me every morning. It was she who woke me up if at all i fell for a nap during my class hours. I just simply loved the way she answered when boys in my class tried to flirt with her.

rashmi was late for an early morning class. Sandhya and I were sitting on our three seater bench. Place next to her was vacant. A boy called sachin came n asked her if seat next to her was free. She smiled back n said slowly and calmly “beta chup chap peeche jake baith, subah subah timepass nahi karneka! Samjha?”... i loved the way she talked like actor sanjay datt.. in Marathi type hindi. N boys of my class intentionally irritated her for fun. She never took anything seriously, even boys knew it. My class was the best of all other batches i felt. People were nice. Mostly we had people from Karnataka, Maharashtra, Kerala, Punjab, and Gujarat etc. And it was nice to see us all befriend one another. There were always fights like my state is better but always on lighter side. It was a batch of serious people. Who wanted to make it well through GATE.

Though i was the most active girl in my engineering classes i kept myself low here. After that English lecture, i had not answered much in class. There were people who asked doubts just to grab attention. It was just another class. I was very comfortable in this class of ace academy in Hyderabad specially with sandhya and rashmi around.

Rashmi was the most serious girl in our solar system, 'Tension ki dukaan' as i called her. girl with nice square spects, who had missed her chance to get into her favourite medical college in bhuvaneshwar by 0.5 marks. N was joined to engineering college. She was the topper of her college every semester with more than 86 percent aggregate. I always said “jai Vivekananda” or “all is well” whenever i saw her study. She was about 2 years older than us. N with due respect to her age we called her rashmi mata at times. That always made her unhappy n she requested badly everytime-“ pls don’t say that to me.. please.” We loved teasing her. and she too forgave us. Matured is what i would call her not childish like me or sandhya.

I loved the time i spent in class. Everyone was super serious during lectures. But mood immediately switched at breaks. There were jokers in our class like every other class in this in this world. There was a boy from Punjab who gave alerts when sir entered the class... he used to shout from behind three time “sir aagaye sir aagaye sir aagaye..” and that immediately switched our moods back to classes with an ‘oh’ as an alert sound for few days which soon turned to ‘ohffo’.

Life was fun. But back in hostel there were few changes. Rinu was keepin to herself all the time. she had stopped calling me for lunch with her. When I called her, she just said politely –dear.. pls.. u go, I’ll have later. I asked her many times if she wanted to share something. She always said just one thing.. “no... u won’t like it kid. You will stop even talking to me. Leave me alone.”

I had to return with no choice.

That night her sobs by the window woke me up again. I just decided to talk once for all. After all she had stood by me when i was in ‘danger’. She was staring into the darkness with something in her hand. It wasn’t mobile. It was a container glass. She was drinking. I had seen a girl drinking for the first time. I had heard of it. I thought of walking my way back.

“So u came again han?” She asked me, she stopped in rather.

“U r drinking right? I have seen a girl drink first time. no one does it at my place.” I told her whatever came to my mind first.

“I can guess that.” She told ignoring me.

I suddenly realised what i had said. She was sad n it was like i had mocked her. To my surprise it didn’t affect her at all.

But it was not common for me, being born n brought up in a strict Brahmin family. And about engineering, i studied at Shree Dharmathala Manjunatheshwara college of engineering and technology. It belonged to one of the most sacred temples in the state. One of the most strict and well behaved colleges in milkyway. It was just not common.

“I drink often. I smoke too. so stay away from me.” these were the words that came from rinu.

I at last decided to ask. “Who is it now finally- jai or max?” I wanted her to decide on it and back to be normal n leave drinking and etc.

“Oh.. u know jai too? girl i swear i’ll never call u kid again.”

“Ya i had warned u not to sob on phone by my window. Looks like u want me to listen to everything.”

“U really want to know?” rinu continued.” But u won’t like it. Max is my ex boyfriend. i really loved him. He ditched me for her. now that she has fucked him off, He wants me back. He is trying on me. i hate him. But i still love him. He is a fucking liar. Fucking idiot he is.”

I found no logic. I hate him but i still love him.?

... n what? I had read the ‘f’ word in chetan bhagat’s books. But had never heard it pronounced live and exclusive in real life. None of my friends used it. There was a boy in my class who used it indirectly.. he only said “wat the f”.. just f.. not the word... now i had heard it thrice in one go.

I was taken aback for a while. I was finding myself guilty. I was miles away from home to prepare for GATE. I had to get up at 4.30 n i was talking to a mad girl at the dead of the night. Rashmi worked for 16 hours a day. she revised everything the same day. but I never found enough energy in me at the end of the day even to open my bag. I was just banking on lectures. I listened to class with all my attention not to miss even a word. I needed sleep to keep me going next day. But here I was out of my bed, trying to find logic in a meaningless story coming out from a drunken girl. Why was I doing it I didn’t know. Why was I still there I wouldn’t know.

I finally found something to say. “So what is the matter? Jai is ur current boyfriend right. Sort it out. ur mind works so fast. U can do anything. So work it out. But don’t cry.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know who i am in love with. I am committed to jai now. But i can’t stop myself from thinking about max either.”

That was too much for me. It was insane n moreover had no logic in it. How could I understand anyway without logic?

I decided to call it a day. “Ok work it out. Let’s go.”

“Help me out appu” she said. “I don’t think it will work out with jai either... maybe I love max now. We had too wonderful times with each other to forget him. I don’t know what I am going to do. Jai is pathetic and doubts me.”

Another overdose for me!

She took out her mobile and pressed some keys before she showed it to me. It was a msg from max.

It read... “I can’t forget u... i just remember times when u and i.... i love u.”

She broke to tears again. Well this was more complicated love story than any movie i had seen.

“Wait. Don’t cry pls. I didn’t get it. When u n i wat?”

“What the hell!” She smiled... “when him and i? U r a kid... go n sleep.”

Now i was sure. She was completely mad. She was just crying few minutes, no seconds ago.

Most wrong part in it was I was not a kid. I understood every word of what she meant. I had realised wat sam meant when she said rinu was not a good girl. May be she knew. I too had observed rinu’s behaviour outside hostel. She was a flirt. But I asked my mind to ignore it every time. I had clear instructions from rinu not to talk to her outside hostel. And that was enough for me to convince myself that she cared for me. But now it was all over. She was mad. Completely mad. For the first time I was getting scared of her.

“What?” She started again. “i told u keep the hell out of it. It was u who wanted to know. n there is nothing wrong in sleeping with a guy alright? I loved him then. N I am going to do it again. I am slut u see. A bloody whore I am according to jai. Such a fucker!”

I was shivering from within. I ran to my room. I locked it from within. Sam n shikha were fast asleep. I broke to tears. I had thought she was like an elder sister. She woke me up every day. Never had her lunch without me! She had fought with shikha for me. No... it was not her. i had seen a completely different face of hers now. Jai had called her slut. N she was going to prove it to him. I searched for my phone. I wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. N directly called home, to dad, the person I trust the most in this world with my secrets.

Dad was scared to hear my voice at this time. what happened? U alright? What? speak...

I was not able to talk.

“Dad... i am alright. Its about rinu.” I said.

I earlier had told about rinu to my parents how she had solved my problem etc. they also knew about sam n few more of my friends.

“What about her? What happened?”

i was shivering again.

“Relax... what happened? Do u want us to come there? Relax... tell me what happened.”

I told dad everything. Word by word.

Long silence followed once i was done. “Now listen to me” said dad. “ur first priority is that u stay safe. She is not in her mind right now. She may try to do something to herself. U should have tried to understand what sam meant when she had told u rinu was not good. Or at least u would have talked about it with me. Now talk to sam, tell her all this as soon as possible. N if possible try to tell all this to vijaylakshmi aunty of urs if warden is not around. That girl is danger to herself. N keep it low... u know it.. i don’t have to tell u. ”

Vijaylakshmi aunty was one who prepared food for us. Women in her early fifties. She was nice to everyone. N I had told about her to my parents. Rinu’s roommates never knew anything about her this life. they were variants of shikha. Two tamil girls from same college. They neither understood hindi nor spoke much English.

Dad asked me to act sane.. “Troubles find u so easily rite? Anyway.. talk to sam. N be wise. I’ll leave for Hyderabad tomorrow morning.”

“No no..” I shouted suddenly.. “i am fine. It’s okay.. i’ll be safe. I assure u.” All in a single breath.. “If there is a need I assure u dad i’ll ask u to come. I am ok now. Not scared anymore. Bye dad. I’ll call u in the morning. Good night.” I ended the call.

Sam was up. My “no nos” must have woken her up. What happened she asked. Everything alright?

I reiterated entire story to her again.

“I had told u rite.? My boyfriend had told me about her, he got to know from his friend n he had warned me to stay away from her, n i had warned u too.” said sam.

“Yes. She has lost control completely. She is using slangs on herself. She is drinking. She is a danger to herself. What if she... ?” I started crying. I never wanted to see rinu’s face again. But i still wanted her to be safe.

Shikha was sound asleep.

“What to do now. Let’s go and inform vj aunty. Or let’s call warden? I have her number. What if rinu does something really stupid?”

I broke to tears again. “Listen aparna. She is mad. n thats wat she is. Don’t cry for her. i understand she was good to u. only u n I know in this hostel about rinu. n rinu has never let anyone know u are her friend outside this block. So... Don’t worry.”

“We will go to mam. Please come with me.” i requested her.

“Not now yaar. It will be an issue now. We will talk in the morning.” Said sam.

“Please sam what if something happens. She is acting strange. She is drunk.”

“Nothing will happen. Trust me. Sleep.” She went back to bed.

N i was locked in the room of three people but all alone. i had no guts to go out of room.

Hostel was up again in the morning. Everyone was busy getting ready. I got up from my bed. I had not slept even for a single second. I passed through rinu’s room n tried to see if she was on her bed. She was fast asleep. I saw her from the door. Hardly i knew, that was the last time i was seeing her.

chapter 5 comming up next!

Chapter 3: another facet of rinu

The day moved on... we had different classes to let us know about GATE as an examination. We had sessions on how should we proceed with our study. We had introduction to subjects etc.

End of the day i was too tired. i threw my bag on the bed just like I did at home. I in no time realised i had decided to follow good practices, work out on my lazy behaviour. so I lifted my bag, kept it, for the first time in life, neatly in my little allotted space on the shelf. I had stopped myself from going back to my old self. I said welldone to myself.

N without a second thought, without bothering to fresh up, n without bothering to revise what was taught in classes, i threw myself on the bed. I was back to my old self in no time. i had no clue when i fell to sleep.

rinu woke me up for the dinner. First thing i saw as i opened my eyes was the tarrring fan. that told shikha was back in room.

Rinu said all this in one breath to me- “Wats up wit u girl? Its just first day here n u look exhausted already. Classes will run from morning 6 to evening 8 in sometime. Gear up! Have ur dinner now. Its 9.30. get that? N wy the hell is fan so slow?”

She walked to switch board and turned the fan to it max speed. shikha had pulled herself out from her books now. N she had started staring rinu as though she would eat her up.

This was my chance now.

I told to rinu.. “Its too hot i know. But shikha has some problem with fan.”

I turned to shikha to execute my plan... i started. “ shikha there is something i have to tell u.”

“What is it? Tell fast i have hell lot to revise.” She said without bothering to look at me. ok. No issues may be she was just scanning her book in the mean time.

I continued. “Listen. I understand it creates problem for u. But lets see some logic here. Any normal person would need fan in this weather right? I couldn’t sleep at all last night. N my head was kind of heavy all day, may be because of lack of sleep. N look at me, all so exhausted. This is not going to work this way shikha. i need the fan. may be u should use another blanket or something.???”

I just said everything in a single breath. I wanted to finish it all before she spoke. I wanted her not to feel bad, and understand the logic behind. I was not sure if i had put up my case in right way. I had no preparation. But i did it well i thought.

“Why the hell should i do that? Can’t u adjust a little?” she was back in conversation now.

Now it was my turn to answer why the hell she should adjust. I don’t think her mom told her to adjust. Anyway. I was supposed to speak now. I said... “I did try yesterday shikha. N u know i tried. If i am going to feel drowsy all day like today, how am i going to survive here?”

And our conversation n so my plan ended in flop with her next reply. “U r so selfish aparna.”

Now that hurt. I had not expected someone would ever say that to me. i had mostly sacrificed every time since my childhood because of my inability to express to people that they r wrong. I always waited for them to realize their mistakes. In some cases people came back with sorries. N others never did. But I had never used bad words for anyone all my life even if they were not fair on their side. I knew i wasn’t selfish. But even if i was, she was selfish too as part of logic. I had at least considered her request. She was just not ready to listen to my side of it. And i was declared selfish straight away. I realised i was not able to speak now. It did really hurt. I didn’t say anything back. My way out had no way out.and all my plans turned flop with my silence.

She walked to switch board, lowered its speed n carried on with her studies as though nothing had happened.

Rinu was still in the room. “Come with me aparna” she said.

“Leave it i am fine in my room.”

“I am not asking u to come to my room. Lets go to warden. Lets have it cleared. We r in hydrabad next hottest in india after rajsthan.” Said my rinu.

“Oh is it?” i opened my mouth to ask. yes.. i told to myself.. it was normal if it was next to rajasthan. I was not selfish i thought again.

“You stay out of this girl.” Shikha warned rinu.

“I am a citizen of india u know. N it got freedm in 1947.” Said rinu calmly. She was the coolest girl i had ever seen. I liked her. “Are u coming aparna?”

“ Ya.. right away” i said almost getting up. “Ur statistics are so brilliant rinu.”

“Wait we can work it out.” shikha stopped us.

“No.. we r too selfish. Sorry..” rinu gave me a big smile... now it struck to me what actually was happening in my room.

Shikha was searching for words first time since i talked to her. “I ll change my room” she said finally.

I was shocked.

“Listen i.. i...” i had just opened my mouth to speak. Rinu had finished her sentence.

She had said... “U can leave room this week, next week, or right away u know.. we can go to mam right now n help her find u a new room. But fan shall be on u see.”

“Ya.. not now.. i’ll do it soon..” she said to us...

Selfish people. She muttered to herself n sunk back into her books.

Wow. rinu had done it. Fan was running so beautifully at its highest speed now :D it kind of looked beautiful... the fan...

Rinu said finally with a proud smile on her face... “Come on get ur plate, lets go for dinner.” We went to get our food.

“Thanks rinu. That was really nice of u. But what if she really changes room?” i asked her on the way to hostel kitchen.

“Do u think she is going to change her room? She has got best bakras for roommates. She was playing so easily with u there. Let her be my roommate she ll know. Cramming git!”

“Wat? Did u just say bakra?” i was angrily staring at her.

“Oh kid!i have no idea how u r going to survive here! Now stop staring n finish ur food. And i don’t know if hyd in next hottest place after rajasthan... alrite..” :P

And we both were giggling... happy day end!!!

Days passed. My classes were going brilliant. Aptitude and English classes were over. Now we had started with core subjects of computer science. Operating system and computer networks were my favourite classes. The teachers who taught them were one of the best lecturers i had known in my life. Lectures of 3 hours duration were nothing but fun. I was literally enjoying the classes. The way they taught things was very different. Computer networks for me was just 7 osi layers and their functionalities. But now i was learning from the start. Right from how ip address are allotted. How internet actually works. I knew i was at right place.

Everything back in the hostel was fine too. Sam was good friend to me. She was never in room most of the time. She was always on phone i found out. N rinu was like a big sister. She always literally took care of me. she used to call me for lunch every day on time. Reserve bathrooms after her for me. she would give missed call in the morning so that i woke up. I talked to my parents everyday. I told them it was nice here. Indeed i was adjusting myself. Things were getting comfortable.

But shikha had stopped talking to me. we were in same room but never talked. It was something i didn’t like. She started using monkey cap. i felt sorry for her. But i had no other way out. What was striking was none of these were affecting her. Only thing she wanted was to study. I was kind of jealous of her ability to study all day. my maximum was an hour a day.

My priorities were changing slowly. I had started talking to people in hostel. i was making friends. I tried to talk to shikha couple of times but it didn’t work. I left it god now.

Rinu was bossing on me at a rate more than required now. I had adjusted to hostel. For first few days it did look nice being taken care of. But now it had crossed the limits. i suggested her to go for lunch alone at times. But she wanted to be around me in a way or other. I found out no one ever talked to her. She was alone. She just wanted someone to be nice to her. she had a boy friend i had guessed because she talked on phone late into nights. But that was not my business. sam told me not to get too close to rinu. N when i asked why? She just waved her hand n said leave it.

Rinu was a good girl i knew. just little demanding. She was so nice to me after all. wat was sam’s problem? I wouldn’t find out.

It was about two weeks in hostel. every Sunday they prepared something they called vegetable pulao. It was a change after routine week course which included rice, sambar, dal, n some thing they named as sabji. It was a Sunday. rinu I and were enjoying our pulao.

I started the conversation. “Hey i saw u yesterday in canteen. I smiled at u may be u didn’t see.”

“I saw u.” said rinu.

“Wat?? n u didn’t return even my smile? Bad..” i tried to make funny angry face. But it was true she had purposely ignored me in the canteen.

“Listen don’t smile or talk to me outside this hostel. if u want anything tell me in hostel itself.”

“Wy would i tell u if i want something. I can take care of myself rinu. Who was the boy with u?”

“My friend.”

“Ah boyfriend? I smiled back.. its Max?”

“How the hell do u know the name max? U read my messages?”

“Come on. I don’t do such things. Have I ever touched ur phone?”

“No.. then how do u know.”

I was teasing her know. i had come to know about her secret. I said “Thats the secret u see.” I winked at her. “i know few things, u cant even imagine of happening in this hostel... n u call me kid? Say sorry and u’ll know..”

But i realised she was not in mood of joke.

“Tell me please” she begged.

“The only window in the corridor u know is next to my room. Next to my side of wall. U guys come for network there n shout at the top of ur voices, n it pierces through my ears.”

Rinu gave a surprised but a scared look. It was just next to my wall where people opened all their secrets and thought they were safe. Of course they were safe. I never wanted to know anything about anyone nor forward it. But if u cracked out ur throat that loud, what was i to do? It was common sense. N i observed many lacked that in the hostel. But it did help me to know about people. I had glimpses of what were private lives of other girls of my age. I observed they were far far different from mine. First thing i didn’t have a boyfriend. I had very well observed the side effects of love in and around me in the colg. i had many of my friends both boys n girls in love. I had noticed it was something very fascinating for them in the beginning and always ended up with complaints ,expectations, disappointments and cries. I had kept myself safe from having a boyfriend. I didn’t want that extra headache with so much to handle already. But other girls at hostel had. Most of them.

But now the window had started becoming a nuisance. It was irritating. Few most irritating of them were when a girl started teaching ABCD on phone. Few cartoons told every single details of the day on phone. I just walked out of the room one day when a girl started teaching all telagu words she had learnt on phone to someone. I knew bit of telagu by watching movies. She was literally murdering the language in most cruel way possible. I understood nothing of it was love. Neither for girl nor for boy. It was just time pass. Give it a break man. Sit and study! I gave them advices in my mind, and let people in my room study was my personal request, again slow in my mind! it was more torture when People came n spoke in different languages and i was forced to hear it. I had started using my earphones all day now.

But previous night it was about 2 am. Something woke me up. Someone was crying by the window. It was rinu, i reckoned immediately. She was on phone. I wanted to go to her and ask what had happened. She was trying to convince someone but it was not clear because of her sobs. I decided to leave her alone. i thought i would ask her when she was calm.

“It was him u were talking to last night? Max?” I asked.

“How do u know the name?”

“U were using the word max so many times in between ur sobs rinu. I know ppl say max for word maximum, but if it appears too many times i don’t think it refered to maximum. Simple logic u see.”

“U and ur logic.” She smiled.

“So wy were u crying rinu? Tell me. he said something bad to u?”

I was asking not because I was curious to know, but I was concerned about her. I had heard so many ppl cry by the window in different languages. But it was rinu now. A girl I thought was toughest.

She seriously said leave it in first go. I carried on with my food. But I wanted to know what made girl so strong cry. Love is a termite which eats u up from within. I remembered this line i had read somewhere suddenly, not sure why.